红楼梦诗词试译

keatslover

近日无事，将红楼梦中见到的一首诗词翻译了一下，供大家闲时看着乐乐：
       滴不尽相思血泪抛红豆，开不完春柳春花满画楼，睡不稳纱窗风雨黄昏后，忘不了新愁与旧愁，咽不下玉粒金莼噎满喉，照不见菱花镜里形容瘦．展不开的眉头，捱不明的更漏．呀！恰便似遮不住的青山隐隐，流不断的绿水悠悠．
  
   Shedding unrestrained love-sick tears, I discarded the beans red;
   Spring willows and flowers were blossoming by the bower painted.
   After the rain at night, I had trouble by the gauzed window sleeping,
   Unable to banish the pensive thoughts on my mind crowding.
   The sumptuous food was tasteless and hard to swallow for me；
   In the diamond-shaped mirror my haggardness I was loath to see.
  My clouded brow could never become clear. Nor did I find the night-
  Watchman’s clapper agreeable. Alas! My sadness is comparable to the
  Blurry green mountains far off and the emerald river racing away.


NOTE: In traditional Chinese Culture, the red beans are symbolic of lovesickness or serve as love tokens. The rhyming scheme is three couplets tacked on with three unrhymed lines.
                                                                                        Translated by Keatslover, Dec 6th, 2008

[ 本帖最后由 keatslover 于 2008-11-8 21:12 编辑 ]

mu

感觉对于古典的这些词曲，似乎译成散文更好。否则一句太长，很不像诗了啊。

keatslover

不太整齐的多音步 ，英诗里也有，不过的确不是太满意，一直想修改的，也懒于动笔。找了下David Hawks的译本一起贴出来了：
     Still weeping tears of blood about our separation:
     Little red love-beans of my desolation.
    Still blooming flowers I see outside my window growing.
    Still awake in the dark I hear the wind a-blowing.
   Still oh still I can't forget those old hopes and fears.
    Still can't swallow food and drink, 'cos I 'm choked with tears.
    Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me it's not true:
    Do I look so thin and pale, do I look so blue?
    Mirror, mirror, this long night how shall I get through?
                                        oh-oh-oh!
   Blue as the mist upon the distant mountains,
   Blue as the water in the ever-flowing fountains.
这个版本也是不太整齐的多音步联句（6个音步），没有RUN-ON的联句一般给人正式和过去时代的感觉，但是有意思的是霍克斯强化了黛玉的视角，也就是说他不是在叙述（NARRATE),而是设身处地的设想（Imagin),这种手法有点像莎剧，特别是我们读到后面仿佛是感觉到置身于莎剧CLEOPATRA的世界，听着她吟诵着：
               no more but e'en a woman, and commanded
               by such poor passion as the maid that milks
               and does the meanest chares. It were for me
               to throw my sceptre at the injurious gods.
              to tell them that this world did equal theirs
              Till they had stolen our jewel.
跟谁安东尼而去。当然CLEOPATRA的世界不仅有哀怨，还有几丝悲壮。
霍克斯同时还强化了抒情，比如still结构的重复使用（术语为anaphora), 阴韵的使用，独立一行的感叹词，一些口语词以及和镜子的对话，特别是那句mirror, mirror on the wall 是个cliche（个人感觉这里不太成功，中国的深闺女变成西方爱情神话的主人公了？？！！）， 有种特别的味道---味道像什么？答案是伊丽莎白王朝时期的诗。